Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
