I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
