uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
