he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
