i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
