I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
