The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
