Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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