dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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