clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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