yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
