It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
