I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
