she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
