That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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