And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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