They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
