I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize