also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize