From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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