ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
