Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
