worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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