i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
