Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
