so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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