If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
