If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
