everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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