I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Did I show you my penis last night?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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