I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
