i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
