don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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