your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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