My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I want a musical about memes.
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