How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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