I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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