maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
