At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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