what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
