I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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