Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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