If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
