So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
