So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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