you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
