6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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