When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
