She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
