yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
