You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
