I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
