I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i out mim tonsoeep
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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