The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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