well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
