I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
