Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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