im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
