He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
