at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're like the curious george of whores
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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