Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
