I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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