i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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