Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
