And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
