You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
