You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
