u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
