I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
