I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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