i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
