drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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