Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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